#72 - Finite Life

Today’s words: Passion, Abibliophobia, Monochrome, Independence

Word count: 717

Completion time:  52 minutes

Summary: Ever get worried about running out of things to experience, people to meet.......books to read?

Note: I have zero idea how abibliophobia feels, I just took a few ingredients from real-life experience, specifically why I - sometimes - don't like starting/finishing books because I know that they'll eventually end

Stockholm Public Library

 There was always a thick book resting on the top of her desk of drawers, right by the head of her bed. The bookmark was usually in the same position, the monochrome nondescript cover was sporting a film of dust, and next to it, a pile of other various-sized books were piled about a foot high, being held up by the wall. Not to mention the bookcase by the large window that already had six shelves filled with an array of books; some had even made their home on the floor in front of the bottom shelf.

I’d joke that her room was like a library, but she always disagreed. “Have you seen how many books are in some libraries?” she asked. I thought this question was rhetoric, so I only shrugged and continued to admire her collection. “I counted to three-thousand once before I gave up. The British Library Wikipedia page says they have thirteen million, nine-hundred and fifty thousand books.”

The number ‘13,950,000’ appeared in my head. I didn’t think that it was possible to have that many of anything.

“But that didn’t satisfy me,” she declared, shuffling onto her bed so that her back was against the wall. “There are a finite number of books in the biggest library in London, and there are a finite number of books in the biggest library in the world – the Library of Congress with over thirty million books.” She looked at me, eyes filled with so much passion that they began to tear up. “There is no library anywhere that has an infinite number of books, so at some point...the books are going to run out.”

She has what I recently found out is called Abibliophobia – the fear of running out of things to read; that’s why she finds it hard to finish books, and why she constantly needs a pile of books next to the one she’s in the middle of to assure her that there will always be something to replace the finished book.

“But,” I countered, “there will always be people publishing books, so there’s no possible way that you’re going to finish all of the books.”

She squinted her eyes, trying to ponder this.

“And imagine that you managed to finish all thirteen million books in The British Library...”

Her squint turned from curiosity to worry.

“When you’re done, there will probably be thirteen million more new books to read, and when you finish them, there will be millions more to read, and so on and so on forever!”

“Nothing lasts forever,” she resigned, lightly hitting the back of her head on the wall.

“And neither will you...someday you’re going to die, and while that can be difficult to think about, that means that even though there are a set number of books, there’s no way you’re going to read them all...even if publishers stop publishing and writers stop writing.”

She contorted her face into a ball of frustration. “It’s easy to say that from where you’re standing, and I know it’s stupid to think, but I do worry that I’m going to run out because all I see are the books in this room...and even when I go to big libraries, I’m under the impression that I could finish them all so fast that I’ll have to wait for publishers to publish and writers to write...and then what?”

I joined her on the bed and cupped her face in my hands. “You can do anything you want, that’s what’s so beautiful about independence.” Removing my hands from her face, I held her hands instead. “You can literally do anything – travel the world, drop out of school, quit your job, go vegan, cause a scene in public just for fun. You feel restricted, I understand that,” I squeezed her hands, “but try to think past it...realise that even if you do – I mean it’s a bagillion to one that you will – but if you do run out of books to read...at least you’ll have other things to occupy your time.”

Her eyelids lowered further before she looked at me and turned up one corner of her mouth. “Do you think that you could say all of that again, in that order, when I’m feeling down?”

I laughed and stroked her hair. “That’s impossible.”