#112 - It's Up to You

Today’s words: Roam, Fields, Compute, Integrity

Word count: 575

Completion time: 59 minutes

Summary: You’re in control of your own life, whether you choose to mess it up or come out on top

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My mother was the strongest influence in my life. She always told me that, even if things seemed hopeless or out of reach, that it was my job to turn things around, it was up to me to push my life in the right direction. Sometimes you just need someone to remind you that you are in control. The welcoming fields of green where carefree children roam and pretty flowers bloom aren’t just for the privileged, they’re for the hard-workers who know what they want and strive to get it. There is no fate, no lady luck, no destiny, it is us who decide the lives we want to lead.

She was a woman of intelligence, logic, and aggressive, but amazing, integrity. Dishonesty didn’t compute with her...it was like she physically couldn’t lie to anyone. After school one afternoon, after a bit of nudging and blushing, a friend and I encouraged each other to ask my mum about sex. The first thing she asked us was,

“Where did you hear about sex?”

“At school,” my friend said almost immediately.

My mum nodded as if she expected it but she needed to hear it out loud. “Okay, what do you want to know?”

“What is it? What happens when you do it?”

“And what are you supposed to do?”

“Does it hurt?”

“When do you do it?”

My mum switched off the TV and beckoned us to sit on the sofa either side of her. There was no ‘ready, set, go’, she just dove right in without armbands. We were only seven, but she spoke to us almost like she’d speak to me now. I heard terms I didn’t understand, even with a dictionary, and it only made me more confused. The main things I got from it was that it’s not a choice that everyone makes, only do it with someone you trust, and that it isn’t just the boy that gets to decide where he ‘finishes’.

My friend got in trouble the week after by squeezing packets of mayo on her face and telling everyone that she’d been spermed on. She thought they’d be jealous that she was so advanced for her age and some were, but most were just humoured and wanted to know more about what she’d learned. When questioned by the school, my mum’s defence was that she was only being honest and that at least Alex was in a better position to make informed life choices.

When I was in my first year of uni, my mum’s wife cheated on her a year before she actually found out. As a life-long sufferer of depression, it hit her even harder; I could visibly see the light in her face fade as if someone had used a dimmer switch on her entire being. She still tried to be a good person, but it was a struggle that she lost two years later.

“You’re in control, you’re responsible for the way you live your life.” That’s what she said, and that’s the only way I will ever come close to understanding what she did.

She didn’t want to leave it to her ex, her illness, or outside influences that she couldn’t control to beat her, so she didn’t – she did it herself.

Every damn day, I remember what she taught me and will strive to make her proud because I know that she would never forgive herself if I failed because of her.

#111 - Modern Segregation

Today’s words: Amend, Elite, Use, Define

Word count: 194

Completion time: 27 minutes

Summary: Representation from a young age matters.

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She knows how to talk

But not how to use her voice

She knows how to walk

But not how to prevent others

From walking over her

She knows how to add, subtract, divide

But the collision caused by the division

Of black versus white is something

No child can fight...alone

Children will copy what they see

Like to be whatever stars are on TV

But it’s the elite who choose who to use

On the big screen in Vue.

...Take 2

I’ll amend what I said

and begin with this instead:

When that child came home one night

She said, “Mummy, I want to be white.”

“Child, why?”

“White people are beautiful.”

Who put this in her head?

Who sat down with her on their lap

And told her she wasn’t all that?

No-one needed to.

It doesn’t need to be explicit

For someone to exhibit self-loathing

If beauty is all around and it’s wearing white

The other colours don’t shine as bright

The dictionary can define ‘beauty’ and it won’t have a race

But nearly every beautiful face we see looks the same to me

And barely any will look like me

#110 - What's Sex Got to do With it?

Today’s words: Physical, Honeymoon, Gin, Snow

Word count: 517

Completion time: 50 minutes

Summary: Sex is not mandatory, and it never will be.

--

Somebody once told me it didn’t count as a real relationship unless things got physical...you know, if they had sex. They said it may as well be another form of friendship, something masquerading as romance. Masquerading, heh.

I imagined a masked ball full of elegantly-dressed couples dancing under chandeliers, maroon and gold curtains lacing the walls. Everybody’s having a great time when suddenly, someone shrieks. The music stops, and all eyes are on a couple whose masks have fallen off. Underneath the masks are a couple who were not supposed to be there – the ball was strictly Real Couples Only, and everyone knew that they hadn’t had sex.

Next level is off-limits; please touch genitals to advance.

This fool masquerading as a relationship guru happened to be dating my friend, and after the “painful, sexless” honeymoon period, only one thing was on his mind. So, over a bottle of gin, he asked as casually as he could, when they were going to do it – not if, but when. I was there when this happened, him thinking nothing of discussing it in my presence.

“You said you’d think about it, so what’s your answer?”

My friend knotted her eyebrows and looked at the table. “Could we discuss this later?” Her blue eyes looked towards the exit.

“You always say that. If I keep going along with this, I’ll never get laid.” He raised his eyebrows and smiled. “You’re like the sun...and I’m like snow. You’re killing me, baby.”

How poetic.

Her eyes widened and it felt like my jaw locked; I wanted to tell him to fuck off, to leave my poor friend alone, but I couldn’t get the words out.

She looked like a defenceless mouse but managed to say: “I’m not doing this here.”

Two months ago, she told me about meeting this “really sweet guy” on Tinder. He asked for her bra size before he asked how she was, but apparently that’s just what guys were like on there. Aside from that, I was assured that he was extremely sweet.

“You’re not doing it at all, apparently,” he continued.

I put a hand on his arm. “If you want sex so bad, why not find someone who actually wants it?”

“I know she wants it,” he said quickly. “She said ‘maybe’ so many times...’maybe’s turn into ‘yes’s eventually.”

“No they don’t,” she said. “’Maybe’ means ‘maybe’. I’m not comfortable with it, so drop it.”

“Look.” I still held onto his arm. “Clearly she doesn’t want to. Your words aren’t magic dust, so stop trying to convince her.”

He looked at me like I was speaking Korean, but I continued.

“Maybe she’ll change her mind, maybe she won’t, but don’t you dare act like you deserve it.”

She stopped running her fingers through her hair and smiled. “Thanks.” Her facial expression changed when she looked at him. “You knew what I was like before you got with me, so why are you being like this? You can’t change me.”

Thankfully, they broke up a few days later.

Sex is not mandatory, and it never will be.

Last chance to get in a story

I'll be doing my piece later on today, so if anyone wants to be in it, check the post below for more info and get back to me in a few hours!

x

Want to be in my next piece?

First of all - I am so sorry it’s been so long! I got caught up with uni work and a new relationship!

Second of all - here’s the deal. If you give me 4 random words for my next piece, I’ll note whoever replies, pick them at random in a few days, use their words, and ask if they’d like to be a character or use a life experience of theirs to shape my story.

It can’t be an anonymous reply unless there’s a way to get in contact with you again. If not, I can’t include you.

So, go ahead!