#69 - Girls Girls Girls

Today’s words: Copy, Riband, Distribute, Establish

Word count: 490

Completion time: 23 minutes

Summary: Sometimes the things you want to say can’t come out

--

At school, I always copy the other girls. I listen to music in the charts, gossip about celebrities I don’t know, and tell them all about some guy I liked.

That was the hard bit.

It was difficult to establish exactly what made the guy so special, why I chose him over the others. Was it the way he styled his hair? His smile? How friendly he was? Just exactly what was it about him that I was supposed to highlight? The other girls would go on about how ‘cute’ certain boys were, or how they were so ‘hot’ and which ones they wanted to kiss, but I found it hard to make that up without sounding like a bad actress in an equally rubbish film. That’s exactly it...it sounded like a performance.

Each girl would get her turn in the spotlight to drool over some guy and everyone would have to sit and listen, occasionally squealing or prodding for further information, a little like an animal at a zoo that they want to hear growl again. I didn’t have to do it, but if I didn’t, I was scared that they’d find out.

“Yeah, he’s nice, I really like him.”

I thought I could leave it at that, but apparently I had to expand, I had to distribute words for them like playing cards that they could hold between their fingers and analyse, or scrutinise.

“Why do you like him?? I heard he eats his own eye gunk.”

Well what made their guys so special? They were either dirty, vulgar, mean, unsympathetic, ugly, or all five at the same time. And the ones that weren’t felt like siblings, people I’d never want to go out with for fear of feeling morally unsound.

Then, of course, there was the question of why I didn’t make any moves on them, or why I never talked about them much afterwards. I said that I didn’t like them as much anymore, so they’d ask if I liked anyone else. Foolishly I said yes, but hastened to add that they didn’t know him, that he went to another school.

“What’s he like? Go on, tell us!”

He’s...he’s, beautiful, I suppose. He has long flowing hair and the way he smells always makes me hungry. He always wears a blue riband on his backpack from when he got second place in a cooking contest a few years ago. Sometimes, when we’re just sitting around, I’ll steal several glances at him and wonder how on earth anyone could look so good, so perfect. Oh and his laugh...it didn’t sound like a regular laugh, it sounded like the titter of a shy choir before a big performance at the Albert Hall, real sweet, you know?

“Wow, he sounds amazing!”

Well yeah, he is amazing. He’s better than that, he’s...incredible.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell them that he didn’t exist, but she did.

#68 - Dot

Today’s words: Gregarious, Shoes, Magnificent, Elephant

Word count: 392

Completion time: 31 minutes

Summary: Shyness from the perspective of a little girl

--

She sits on the wooden bench, knees pulled up, red school shoes on the seat and wonder what’s wrong with her voice. Why, when she wants to speak up, it shrinks back into her throat and pretends that it didn’t want anything, like a tiresome game of hide and seek.

Tilting her head up, she opens and closes her mouth like a fish, making popping noises every time she opens her lips. “Come out,” she encourages quietly, poking one cheek with her index finger and glancing at the grey gravel beneath her. “I bet you're great when you do...bet you sound...” she pushes her finger against the soft skin harder, “...magnificent.” The word she had recently learned comes out sounding like ‘malificent’, but she’s still satisfied.

She moves her finger away and pulls her hood up, looking at the other gregarious children playing ‘It’, ghost train, and hopscotch. They were all in groups, as if they were born with the inclination to gravitate towards other people like magnets, as if their bodies, their voices knew exactly what to do when faced with social situations. Some people just knew what to do, she thought, like they were taking a breath or blinking; you don’t need to think very hard when you do those.

There was a girl in class who always made the other kids laugh. Last lesson she put her arm against her nose and made a loud, elephant noise when the rest of the class were in the middle of a test. She got sent outside, she was a bad girl, but everyone laughed, even the teacher smiled to herself once she’d sent her out. All she could do was stare at elephant-girl as she skipped away, wondering how it must feel to have such a large group of people under your control.

It must feel like being a magician, she concluded, sticking her finger out and slowly waving it around in front of her. “Abracadabra,” she whispered, looking at her finger and smiling as if it were doing it all by itself.

“Dot, we’re going back inside now, come on!” one of the kids says, motioning for her to follow before running off in the direction of the school building.

She quickly got up and jogged to catch up with everyone else, pursing her lips together and bowing her head.

#25 - Chill Out or Burn Out

Today’s words: Reserve, Inform, Learned, Mellow

Word count: 568

Summary: Never over-work yourself when you study, it bad for your health

I couldn’t avert my eyes from the lecturer at the front of the room; it was like I was worried that if I dared to look away for a few seconds, I would miss something vital that could only be heard if I maintained eye-contact. My eyes tracked that lecturer like a laser-beam, pin-pointing what she was going to do next. It was just me and her playing a game of table tennis back and forth back and forth.

“And just as a reminder...”

What was she reminding us about? What had I forgotten??

“...I would like to inform all of you that your end-of-term essays are due on the twenty-fifth of May; don’t leave them until the last week.”

Shit...

“That’s all.”

The once-quiet lecture hall had become overwhelmed with the noise of students eager to flee the room.

The twenty-fifth of May...that was just under two months away and I had barely started researching the first of three essays. I hadn’t even chosen a question for one of them yet! I wondered how everyone else appeared to be so carefree; why I appeared to be the only one panicking.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll reserve a space in the First club for you.” Doug always tried to make me feel better, even though it didn’t tend to help. “You’ve never gotten below a First, apart from that one time you were 2% away last--”

“We don’t talk about that.”

“You know what I’ve learned since I started getting better grades?”

“What?” My voice trailed up from the ground where I was zipping up my backpack.

“You need to work hard...”

No shit.

“...But you also need to mellow out once in a while. You can’t overwork your brain, it’s really bad for you.”

“I’m getting the grades, that’s all I care about.”

Doug grabbed my shoulders and sat me back down as I was about to make my way to the door.

“What are you--!”

“Seriously, listen to me.” He put his hands on either side of my desk and looked down at me seriously. “You find it hard to sleep, especially during the essay period, right? You can’t concentrate for a while when you study, and you make careless mistakes that you never fail to bring up when I ask how the essays are going, yeah?”

I sighed.

“It’s not good for you, you’re sacrificing your mental health.”

“...You’re saying I’m mental?”

He flicked my forehead.

“Hey!”

“I’m saying that you need to chill out before you burn out. Take regular breaks, and don’t be this stressed two whole months before the deadline. Get it?”

I looked at my folder on the desk that was plastered with sticky notes between the pages and filled to the brim with notes, worksheets, and seminar exercises.

“You’ll raise your grade and you’ll be in a better mental state, you’ll be able to study a lot better if you take time out to rest.”

I intentionally kept silent for several seconds before speaking up. “If this doesn’t work...”

“Then I’ll walk into Cassie’s room naked, rose between my teeth, and confess my undying love.”

“Alright,” I said through a smile.

“Good. Now,” he motioned for me to stand up, “let’s put our stuff down and go for a drink. That girl you like is probably there already.”

“Whatever, I just think she’s nice.”

“Sure,” he winked, “’nice’."