#71 - Believe

Today's words: Starlight, Jellyfish, Bioluminescence, Agoraphobia

Word count: 434

Completion time: 38 minutes

Summary: Sometimes it’s comforting to keep on believing, even when the odds are stacked against you

Uhhhh, 'Believe' by Yellowcard just came on shuffle, what

The first time I made her laugh really hard was when I told her that I could see our future in the stars. “That’s impossible,” she said, “they’re just random stars.” No, I said, if they were just random stars, we wouldn’t have constellations or star signs (the fact that I don’t believe in star signs was irrelevant, I was trying to be romantic). And plus, I added, how would she know what I can and can’t see? I could swear blind that I saw a talking turquoise dinosaur next to me and no-one would be able to prove me wrong because my vision is my own.

The last time I made her cry was when I said, agoraphobia aside, that I would put oven gloves on and rearrange the stars in space to spell out her name. Okay, she didn’t cry, she cringed a bit and punched me in the arm whilst trying to hold back snorts, informing me that it was also impossible. I didn’t care.

I want to make the impossible possible.

When they told me that I couldn’t like boys and girls as a kid, instead of wondering why, I stung like a jellyfish and told them to go fuck themselves. I don’t know how I got those words together, but a suspension for a few days told me that it must have been a bad combination.

You see, whenever anyone gets in my way, instead of conforming, I fight back. I can eat dessert before dinner if I want, I can wear anything I like from Topman and rock it just like the men, I can rearrange space for the girl I kinda like, just give me the space suit, the rocket, and the gloves.

But one day there’ll be no starlight to reflect off her eyes, and just like the bioluminescence of a firefly, they’ll lose their light and die. Most of me wants to protest, wants to claim that no, they can burn until the end of time if it’s their will. When I’m up there in my space suit and I spot a dying star, I’ll give it CPR and make it live for another ten thousand years, you’ll see.

She says that I’m living in a fantasy, that one day I’ll be really disappointed and I know that, but just like a child willing for Father Christmas to be real (even though they recognise their dad’s face under the beard), I’ll keep on believing that I can do anything for as long as I can.

If nothing can last forever, at least give me that.