#34 - Martyr

Today’s words: Recognise, Hope, Enlighten, Temporary

Word count: 537

Completion time: 43 minutes

The main part of this idea came from the anime series Welcome to the N.H.K. (N.H.K. ni Youkosu)

 

~

 

“I miss when I used to believe in God,” Lottie sighed, looking at the ceiling in Gordon’s one-bedroom flat. He could tell that she was trying to suppress a frown as she twisted her mouth this way and that.

 

“Why did you stop?”

“Instead of believing, I just wanted to believe.” Her gaze dropped to the floor, inspecting two copper coins that had probably fallen from Gordon’s hands as he tried to stuff some change into his pocket one day. He was often careless. “I wanted to believe so badly.”

“Why?”

“I wanted someone else to place the blame on whenever something bad happened to me, so that I could stop blaming myself. I didn’t want a God, I wanted a martyr.” Her fingers ran through her hair as she held her head down. “I didn’t recognise what I was doing at first, but the more I thought about it, the less I believed. Sally, the person who introduced me to the church, promised to enlighten me along with the rest of them… said that my life would be better after I had accepted God but,” she shook her head, refusing to let herself fall for Sally’s words again, “nothing changed.”

Gordon was unsure where to put his hand to show that he understood, so it ended up on her head; a habit that had been hard to break since they were ten. “When bad things happen to you, don’t blame yourself.” He realised that those words were not enough to elevate her mood. He took his hand from her head and placed it underneath her chin, urging her to raise her head. “This bad shit…it’s only temporary, and it’s certainly not your fault; if you want to blame anyone, blame the people who hurt you – your dad, your boss, your ex…they were in the wrong, not you.” She looked like she was trying to smile, so he carefully selected some more words to seal it. “You’re so amazingly brilliant, Lots, and if anyone can’t see that, that’s certainly not your fault,” he took his hand away and placed it on his knee. “I hope you can see that because if you can’t, you need someone who can open your eyes.”

She beamed and pursed her lips together, smiling in a falsely patronizing way. “You realise how unbelievably lame that sounded.” A statement rather than a question.

“I am aware,” his smile imitated hers. “But seriously, I would have ditched you years ago if you were a bad person…people like that get a first-class ticket to Fuck Off Village.”

“Ah, the notorious village that I’ve never had the displeasure of visiting.”

“And you never will.” He looked into her eyes, refusing to break contact until he could get a genuine smile from her. “There we go,” he flicked her nose.

“Hey!” Both hands leapt up to protect her nose.

“Right, enough of this crap, I’m making you dinner,” he announced proudly, climbing over the back of the sofa and skipping into the kitchen.

Gordon was also a notoriously bad cook. “Okay, Gordon Ramsay."

"Still not funny!"

She got onto her knees and leant over the sofa’s back. “Just don’t burn the water or something equally ridiculous, okay?”