Today’s words: Arm, Waterfall, Wood, Paddock
Word count: 980
Completion time: 43 minutes
Summary: We’re free to let anyone in, but it always come with a risk
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Based on a true story...
I don’t think that people realise the power they have over other people. In this big ol’ world with infinite planets, stars, and galaxies, how can one insignificant person cause another to change their entire outlook, see things through a brand new pair of eyes? I don’t know; but they can. One person’s words or actions can mean the difference between a trickle of water from a tap and a waterfall plunging into an ocean.
As a kid, my life was far from great. I bet a ton of people say that, right? Same old sob stories: I was never popular, I was bullied, I couldn’t fit in etcetera but just because so many of them exist doesn’t stop them from being less important. Yes, I was at the bottom of the social pile, yes I was bullied, and yes I definitely didn’t fit it. It was horrible, something you won’t understand until you’ve lived it.
Anyway, I didn’t have anyone to turn to (no friends, nothing) until I met him in year eight. Oliver. He sort of changed my life, that boy. We had a wood surrounding our school that we weren’t really allowed in during school hours, but the teachers didn’t do anything because it was still on the school grounds. It was there that I saw a blonde-haired boy with sitting on a fallen log, bent over something. I stopped walking so as not to disturb him, but my heel came into contact with a twig that snapped when I put it down. He immediately turned around.
We didn’t say anything to each other for a while, just stared. I didn’t know what to say and he was probably thinking the same.
He stood, picked a book up, and started to walk swiftly in the opposite direction.
“Hey, wait, what are you reading?” I don’t know why I called out to him: I didn’t know who he was and I didn’t really want company, either.
He stopped. “Romeo and Juliet,” he replied, confused. Maybe he didn’t know why he was talking to me, either. “What do you want?”
I didn’t know. I should have just let him walk on, maybe that would have changed everything. “Are you always hanging out here on your own?”
Now he looked suspicious. “...Are you?”
“Sometimes.”
We both just stared at each other again.
“I’m Emily.”
“I’m Oliver.”
Oliver didn’t have many friends either, so we got close. Soon enough, he became my best friend (even though I had no others to compare him to). People would make fun of him for hanging out with me because I was ‘the weird kid’ but he just took my arm and walked to our favourite lunch spot. I felt free when I was with him, like I could do anything ‘weird’ and he’d always have my back.
A few months later, he told me that he was gay. All I did was smile and hug him, seeing that it was obviously hard to say out loud.
“You don’t hate me?”
“Why would I hate you? You’re my best friend.” I loved calling him my best friend out loud, and I loved him just the same.
He exhaled and hugged me tighter. I never wanted to let him go, not ever. I would protect him just as much as he protected me.
His parents were not so sympathetic, being strict Christians who opposed anything that deviated from heterosexuality. There was no way that he could tell them – he’d probably be kicked out or worse. Things don’t always go the way we plan them though – after looking through his room one day, his dad found his diary and all hell broke loose.
He was no longer safe in his own home, so I offered him my place to stay but his parents wouldn’t allow it. They didn’t want him around but at the same time, they didn’t want him to leave. Then, they announced that they were moving to Cornwall, a whole county away.
I kept in touch with him though, we emailed or texted every day for a couple of years and he was still my best friend. We met in person several times too, which was always something to look forward to.
After a while, he started to become sarcastic towards me, and he’d say nasty things but follow them with a tongue smiley so it’d come across as a joke. I waved it off, blaming his family situation or his frustration at having to hide his sexuality...but they got worse.
He would make ‘jokes’ about things I told him years ago, things that I was still trying to get over, things that people would say in the playground, personal shit that I haven’t told anyone else, things that he knew would hurt me more than anything else he could say. I didn’t break until he blamed my personality and my size for my lack of friends, real friends. All I remember after hearing that is smashing my phone and opening my front door. When my mind caught up with me, I was six miles out of town, barefoot, in a horse paddock.
It took a while for me to delete him permanently from my life, because he was the first person who sincerely wanted to be a part of it in the first place, but I had to. He was toxic and I needed to get rid of him before I got rid of myself.
Ever since, I’ve been very careful who I tell things to, and I won’t let people get close until I’ve known them for years. I wish it didn’t have to be that way, but it is.
You all...you have so much power, more than you know...so please be careful with how you use it, because I would never wish the pain I felt on anyone, not even him.
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