#110 - What's Sex Got to do With it?

Today’s words: Physical, Honeymoon, Gin, Snow

Word count: 517

Completion time: 50 minutes

Summary: Sex is not mandatory, and it never will be.

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Somebody once told me it didn’t count as a real relationship unless things got physical...you know, if they had sex. They said it may as well be another form of friendship, something masquerading as romance. Masquerading, heh.

I imagined a masked ball full of elegantly-dressed couples dancing under chandeliers, maroon and gold curtains lacing the walls. Everybody’s having a great time when suddenly, someone shrieks. The music stops, and all eyes are on a couple whose masks have fallen off. Underneath the masks are a couple who were not supposed to be there – the ball was strictly Real Couples Only, and everyone knew that they hadn’t had sex.

Next level is off-limits; please touch genitals to advance.

This fool masquerading as a relationship guru happened to be dating my friend, and after the “painful, sexless” honeymoon period, only one thing was on his mind. So, over a bottle of gin, he asked as casually as he could, when they were going to do it – not if, but when. I was there when this happened, him thinking nothing of discussing it in my presence.

“You said you’d think about it, so what’s your answer?”

My friend knotted her eyebrows and looked at the table. “Could we discuss this later?” Her blue eyes looked towards the exit.

“You always say that. If I keep going along with this, I’ll never get laid.” He raised his eyebrows and smiled. “You’re like the sun...and I’m like snow. You’re killing me, baby.”

How poetic.

Her eyes widened and it felt like my jaw locked; I wanted to tell him to fuck off, to leave my poor friend alone, but I couldn’t get the words out.

She looked like a defenceless mouse but managed to say: “I’m not doing this here.”

Two months ago, she told me about meeting this “really sweet guy” on Tinder. He asked for her bra size before he asked how she was, but apparently that’s just what guys were like on there. Aside from that, I was assured that he was extremely sweet.

“You’re not doing it at all, apparently,” he continued.

I put a hand on his arm. “If you want sex so bad, why not find someone who actually wants it?”

“I know she wants it,” he said quickly. “She said ‘maybe’ so many times...’maybe’s turn into ‘yes’s eventually.”

“No they don’t,” she said. “’Maybe’ means ‘maybe’. I’m not comfortable with it, so drop it.”

“Look.” I still held onto his arm. “Clearly she doesn’t want to. Your words aren’t magic dust, so stop trying to convince her.”

He looked at me like I was speaking Korean, but I continued.

“Maybe she’ll change her mind, maybe she won’t, but don’t you dare act like you deserve it.”

She stopped running her fingers through her hair and smiled. “Thanks.” Her facial expression changed when she looked at him. “You knew what I was like before you got with me, so why are you being like this? You can’t change me.”

Thankfully, they broke up a few days later.

Sex is not mandatory, and it never will be.

#56 - The S Word

Today’s words: Majestic, Comfort, Practice, Divergent

Word count: 368

Completion time: 44 minutes

Summary: Sex shouldn’t have to be whispered in secret or only be ‘right’ if you’re having it with someone you’re in a relationship with. Do what you like, your sex life is no-one’s business but your own.

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Would it be completely out of your comfort zone if I asked you, a friend, to have sex with me? 

We never have before, not even close, but it feels like a good idea. You’re cute, I’m...alright, and we’re not committed to anyone, so just say the word and I’m yours for the night.

I guess I’ve got a slightly divergent opinion on sex – doing it with someone shouldn’t be some huge deal and it doesn’t mean that I want to date you or that I’m a ‘slut’, either. One night stands are a little like hugging a stranger, except that stranger happens to have their genitals pressed against your genitals...or mouth...or...ass....or whatever.

It isn’t dirty, it’s natural, and the feeling of being that close to someone for however many minutes (it’s okay if you’re a little out of practice, I am too) is, in a word, majestic.

I don’t want to use you like a – really realistic – sex doll, I want to be close to you without the implications that sex usually carries with it. I want to laugh; not apologise or be embarrassed for moaning because it sounds too ‘intimate’; I want forget that I’m ‘supposed’ to feel awkward because you’re just my friend; I want to look you in the eyes when we’re done without, “What now?” or, “What does this mean?” Sex doesn’t have to mean anything. As long as it feels good, between two (hey, or more) consenting people, and everyone feels comfortable...then what’s the issue?

And hey, please don’t let me wake up feeling like I need to creep out of the room, please don’t leave before I’ve even opened my eyes, and please don’t crease your eyes up and say sorry because sorry for what? For making me feel good? For having fun with me? For making it one of the most interesting nights I’ve had in a while?

Please.

I want to have sex with you because sex feels good, and it’ll feel great if I have it with you. 

Instead of sharing a drink, let’s share bodies and warm ourselves up with passion instead of tea.

I’m ready for this; give me the green light if you are, too.

#20 - No Pressure. . .

Today’s words: Degree, Clean, Erratic, Surety

Word count: 453

Summary: Never let people pressure you into being unsafe.

How many people have been told these same lines by someone who didn't like condoms? *raises hand* Link to frequent excuses.

The thing about him was...he was erratic, hard to please, and was – to a certain degree – a habitual liar; I shouldn’t have listened to him.

“Look, I’ll just pull out right when I’m about to cum, deal?”

It felt like I was involved in a dodgy trade of sorts...

“I’ll give you no condom in exchange for pulling out. No dice? You drive a hard bargain but fine – we’ll go for pizza, too. Pizza, final offer. Going once, twice... SOLD, to the gullible girl with a soft spot for baby faces and shaggy hair.”

He lowered his eyelids and bit his bottom lip. “Plus,” he whispered enticingly, fringe falling in front of his eyes, “it feels much better without one, right?”

What was I going to say? An attractive guy, an attractive naked guy, had just bitten his lip. I don’t even remember words, never mind objections, bothering to form in my head.

“I promise I’m clean.”

The surety of his claim was very low and plus, I can promise thousands of things that I wouldn’t be able to prove.

“I’ve done it with other girls and nothing bad happened.”

Some people like extreme sports, doesn’t mean I’m about to hop on a motorbike and jump through a ring of fire.

“I think I’m too big for normal condoms anyway, they might split, then you may as well not be using one,” he pauses, I supposed to make me think deeply about what he’s said. “It makes sense.”

This should have made me leave immediately if anything – have you seen how much air, water, a forearm, whatever the fuck, can fit inside a standard condom?

He looked away from me with sad eyes. “What, you...you don’t like me enough?”

This. I hate myself for it but this is what got me. It shouldn’t have, but it did.

“I like you,” I hastily added like a parent’s reflex when they’re worried about dropping their baby. “I just, I want to be safe.”

A hand cupped the side of my face protectively. “And you will be,” his thumb stroked the corner of my mouth, “I’ll keep you safe, I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”

‘Liar’ was printed on the walls of my mind like bloodied words inside a haunted house but instead of heeding their warning, I painted over them.

When I looked him in the eyes, I made myself believe him. You hear that? I forced myself into a false sense of security. After all, how could someone so attractive who ‘promised’ be a bad guy? That was my train of thought, verbatim.

When I closed my eyes, tears seeped from them like blood from a fresh cut.

Stupid. Absolutely moronic.