Saturday, 3 May 2014
#109 - Cake
Today’s words: Guilt, Life, Cake, Implode
Word count: 358
Completion time: 22 minutes
Summary: Don’t blindly digest everything that people tell you
--
Every week, a slice of cake was delivered to every family around the world.
No-one knew what the ingredients were (Was it vanilla? Tony swore there was a hint of lemon. It reminded some of us of yoghurt....surely that was a mistake?), but every week, without fail, the cake would come.
People of all ages would wait at the front door in anticipation for the mysterious but incredibly tasty treat. No-one was spared; even babies were given their share, regardless of whether they had teeth to process it or not. Cake didn’t discriminate, cake was for everyone.
That was life, that was what we were used to. To question where the cake came from or what was inside of it was seriously frowned upon. “Shut up and eat your cake.” “Be grateful, don’t ask questions.” “Just don’t.” Everyone in our area knows of these kids who set up their own private investigation about the origins of the cake but eventually, they just disappeared and they’ve not been heard of in close to fifty years. It’s our urban legend. People tell their own kids not to do what they did and that if they do, they’ll mess up the balance of the world and cause it to implode or something. I don’t believe that, I never did, that’s why I want to do my own investigation.
I don’t want to drag anyone else into it or share any guilt, I want to find out for myself and if I don’t come back, so be it. There was something that people weren’t telling us, and I wasn’t going to be bribed with sweet treats – I could make my own cake, and it tasted better anyway.
Some people had stopped baking altogether because they didn’t believe in any other cake but The Cake. The question was: whose cake was it?! Would you eat cake from the side of the road if a stranger told you it was okay to eat?
If I don’t make it back, I want to leave with one last message: you don’t need to rely on anyone for sustenance, be your own person, make your own cake.
Tuesday, 29 April 2014
#108 - You and I
Today’s words: Pigeon, China, Satan, Scallop
Word count: 250
Completion time: 23 minutes
--
Why do we torment and criticise other animals
For being inferior? Looking at the world through different eyes,
See, they aren’t like you and I, they don’t feel like we feel
Their pain isn’t recognised, who cares if they die?
People screw their faces up, at little pups in China
Who get served alongside a variety of food.
Not to be rude, but I’m over the line of thought
That is shocked and appalled by yet another animal...
Yet another innocent life we carve up with knives
And say it’s alright, it’s justified, because
They don’t feel like you and I.
A pigeon was sat on a bench the other day
And someone kicked it away like it could contaminate,
Like it would be great if they could be cast away
Like Satan from the heavens. Why?
They didn’t disobey but they have no say because why?
They can’t speak like you and I?
Judge like you and I?
We don’t need to buy something to think that we own it
No cash needs to change hands to know we can have it
The scallops on the beach, the ocean deep
Everything we see, we claim just by looking.
We take parts of the world and reduce them to nothing
Just by looking
I look to you and see myself reflected right back
We’re on the attack, you and I
We don’t give a fuck, you and I
It’s in our nature to rely
On things that can’t fight back.
Word count: 250
Completion time: 23 minutes
--
Why do we torment and criticise other animals
For being inferior? Looking at the world through different eyes,
See, they aren’t like you and I, they don’t feel like we feel
Their pain isn’t recognised, who cares if they die?
People screw their faces up, at little pups in China
Who get served alongside a variety of food.
Not to be rude, but I’m over the line of thought
That is shocked and appalled by yet another animal...
Yet another innocent life we carve up with knives
And say it’s alright, it’s justified, because
They don’t feel like you and I.
A pigeon was sat on a bench the other day
And someone kicked it away like it could contaminate,
Like it would be great if they could be cast away
Like Satan from the heavens. Why?
They didn’t disobey but they have no say because why?
They can’t speak like you and I?
Judge like you and I?
We don’t need to buy something to think that we own it
No cash needs to change hands to know we can have it
The scallops on the beach, the ocean deep
Everything we see, we claim just by looking.
We take parts of the world and reduce them to nothing
Just by looking
I look to you and see myself reflected right back
We’re on the attack, you and I
We don’t give a fuck, you and I
It’s in our nature to rely
On things that can’t fight back.
Wednesday, 23 April 2014
#107 - Monkey
Today’s words: Sausages, Monkey, Ambivalent, Hearty
Word count: 117
Completion time: 17 minutes
--
You’ll find me on the monkey bars
I’ll have a banana between my teeth
And my dress will have a roll of fabric
Cellotaped to the skirt
Because I am a monkey
I can be as hearty as I want
I can say I want ten sausages
For breakfast
And no-one will find that weird
Because kids are silly
Kids are allowed to be ambivalent
Kids are allowed to have no direction
Allowed to run around in circles
And collapse wherever they like
Because they have no responsibilities
So that’s why you’ll find me in the park
On the climbing frame
Holding my head high with pride
As I cross the monkey bars
For the ninth time
Word count: 117
Completion time: 17 minutes
--
You’ll find me on the monkey bars
I’ll have a banana between my teeth
And my dress will have a roll of fabric
Cellotaped to the skirt
Because I am a monkey
I can be as hearty as I want
I can say I want ten sausages
For breakfast
And no-one will find that weird
Because kids are silly
Kids are allowed to be ambivalent
Kids are allowed to have no direction
Allowed to run around in circles
And collapse wherever they like
Because they have no responsibilities
So that’s why you’ll find me in the park
On the climbing frame
Holding my head high with pride
As I cross the monkey bars
For the ninth time
Friday, 18 April 2014
#106 - Goodbye, Camp, Gay Male
Today’s words: Exorcism, piercing, rainbow, Chanel
Word count: 108
Completion time: 19 minutes
Summary: Stupid stereotypes
--
Hello, camp, gay man trope
Hello to your feminine style
Tight jeans, tight top
Fashion designer look
Chanel, Armani, Gucci
Hello, epitome of rainbows
Everything fabulous
Flamboyant
Hello, flick of the wrist
Hello, high pitched laugh
Hello, right ear right queer piercing
I want to perform an exorcism on you
I want everyone to see
That underneath that feminine fashion
It’s possible to be gay
Without being camp.
I want to force the two apart
Stop them from being synonymous
Because when you say someone’s ‘really gay’
You mean camp
And when you say someone’s camp
You think they’re gay
Stop.
This is not accurate gay representation
...Stop.
Word count: 108
Completion time: 19 minutes
Summary: Stupid stereotypes
--
Hello, camp, gay man trope
Hello to your feminine style
Tight jeans, tight top
Fashion designer look
Chanel, Armani, Gucci
Hello, epitome of rainbows
Everything fabulous
Flamboyant
Hello, flick of the wrist
Hello, high pitched laugh
Hello, right ear right queer piercing
I want to perform an exorcism on you
I want everyone to see
That underneath that feminine fashion
It’s possible to be gay
Without being camp.
I want to force the two apart
Stop them from being synonymous
Because when you say someone’s ‘really gay’
You mean camp
And when you say someone’s camp
You think they’re gay
Stop.
This is not accurate gay representation
...Stop.
Tuesday, 15 April 2014
#105 - Full Moon
Today’s words: Hermit, Obsequious, Moscow, Squelch
Word count: 126
Completion time: 9 minutes
--
We all want approval.
It’s human nature to
Want to be accepted;
From the obsequious teacher’s pet
To the condemned hermit
Who longs to possess the social skills
Required to make and sustain friendships.
There is always a social hierarchy
No matter how much you ignore it.
If you’re ‘normal’, you’ll probably be okay
If you’re ‘unusual’, you get pushed away
Given less opportunities
To make an impression.
Sometimes it feels like
Being yourself isn’t enough;
Whether you’re a lesbian in Moscow
Or a teenaged girl being looked down on.
Squelch.
They walk all over you.
Tell you what you should be
Even though you can’t be
You
...You’re worth so much more than
Public opinion.
You’re a full moon
In a stream of falling stars.
Word count: 126
Completion time: 9 minutes
--
We all want approval.
It’s human nature to
Want to be accepted;
From the obsequious teacher’s pet
To the condemned hermit
Who longs to possess the social skills
Required to make and sustain friendships.
There is always a social hierarchy
No matter how much you ignore it.
If you’re ‘normal’, you’ll probably be okay
If you’re ‘unusual’, you get pushed away
Given less opportunities
To make an impression.
Sometimes it feels like
Being yourself isn’t enough;
Whether you’re a lesbian in Moscow
Or a teenaged girl being looked down on.
Squelch.
They walk all over you.
Tell you what you should be
Even though you can’t be
You
...You’re worth so much more than
Public opinion.
You’re a full moon
In a stream of falling stars.
Friday, 11 April 2014
#104 - Girls Only
Today’s words: Lesbian, Melancholy, Sorbet, Submission
Word count: 400
Completion time: 26 minutes
Summary: Sexuality isn’t as black and white as it seems
--
I’m sat in the conservatory, listening to the stabbing drops of rain and spooning strawberry sorbet, pretending that it’s summer. Everything seems a little brighter then.
My eyes are closed to forget the melancholy mood and I’m sat on a beach under a parasol, watching children run around in swimsuits that are too big for them, hair stuck to their faces from the sea and sweat, and, as if to interrupt me, he pops into my head again.
I’m forced to submission as the cold dessert hits my back tooth and a sharp, searing pain runs through my mouth. Winching, I tilt my head and try to focus on the beach again, eyes squinted in the thirty-degree sun. My skin prickles with goosebumps and I think harder – the excited voices, the sandcastles, the sea, him emerging from it, eyes glinting as he stares at me.
I drop the spoon and suck the sweet flavour from my tongue.
I’m not supposed to have these feelings. I told everyone that I was a lesbian years ago, so I can’t go back on it now. I can’t let them think that I did it just for attention, to get guys to like me, or because I wanted a free pass to make out with girls. It had been seven months now, seven months since I first met him, seven months since I tried to stop him from entering my head. Out of bounds, you know? Girls only.
Once you come out, it feels like there’s no going back. You’ve said it, out loud. You’ve told everyone you’re this, meaning you’re not anything else. What’s worse is...the people who said it was just a phase...they’ll think they were right all along when that isn’t the case. I can tell them that they don’t know me at all, they’ll reply with, “You don’t even know yourself.”
I wrap my hands around myself and lightly squeeze my upper arms.
Fuck it. Fuck labels. I’m not going to restrict myself just because the ‘lesbian’ tag says I’m not allowed. Do Not Remove. Like the label on mattresses. Fuck, I’m not a mattress, I’m a person...a person who has the ability to change her mind, no matter what people conclude.
Picking up the spoon again, I scoop the last sloshy red bits from the cup and press them against the roof of my mouth.
I’ll tell him tomorrow.
Word count: 400
Completion time: 26 minutes
Summary: Sexuality isn’t as black and white as it seems
--
I’m sat in the conservatory, listening to the stabbing drops of rain and spooning strawberry sorbet, pretending that it’s summer. Everything seems a little brighter then.
My eyes are closed to forget the melancholy mood and I’m sat on a beach under a parasol, watching children run around in swimsuits that are too big for them, hair stuck to their faces from the sea and sweat, and, as if to interrupt me, he pops into my head again.
I’m forced to submission as the cold dessert hits my back tooth and a sharp, searing pain runs through my mouth. Winching, I tilt my head and try to focus on the beach again, eyes squinted in the thirty-degree sun. My skin prickles with goosebumps and I think harder – the excited voices, the sandcastles, the sea, him emerging from it, eyes glinting as he stares at me.
I drop the spoon and suck the sweet flavour from my tongue.
I’m not supposed to have these feelings. I told everyone that I was a lesbian years ago, so I can’t go back on it now. I can’t let them think that I did it just for attention, to get guys to like me, or because I wanted a free pass to make out with girls. It had been seven months now, seven months since I first met him, seven months since I tried to stop him from entering my head. Out of bounds, you know? Girls only.
Once you come out, it feels like there’s no going back. You’ve said it, out loud. You’ve told everyone you’re this, meaning you’re not anything else. What’s worse is...the people who said it was just a phase...they’ll think they were right all along when that isn’t the case. I can tell them that they don’t know me at all, they’ll reply with, “You don’t even know yourself.”
I wrap my hands around myself and lightly squeeze my upper arms.
Fuck it. Fuck labels. I’m not going to restrict myself just because the ‘lesbian’ tag says I’m not allowed. Do Not Remove. Like the label on mattresses. Fuck, I’m not a mattress, I’m a person...a person who has the ability to change her mind, no matter what people conclude.
Picking up the spoon again, I scoop the last sloshy red bits from the cup and press them against the roof of my mouth.
I’ll tell him tomorrow.
Wednesday, 9 April 2014
#103 - You Let Me Fall
Today’s words: Arm, Waterfall, Wood, Paddock
Word count: 980
Completion time: 43 minutes
Summary: We’re free to let anyone in, but it always come with a risk
--
Based on a true story...
I don’t think that people realise the power they have over other people. In this big ol’ world with infinite planets, stars, and galaxies, how can one insignificant person cause another to change their entire outlook, see things through a brand new pair of eyes? I don’t know; but they can. One person’s words or actions can mean the difference between a trickle of water from a tap and a waterfall plunging into an ocean.
As a kid, my life was far from great. I bet a ton of people say that, right? Same old sob stories: I was never popular, I was bullied, I couldn’t fit in etcetera but just because so many of them exist doesn’t stop them from being less important. Yes, I was at the bottom of the social pile, yes I was bullied, and yes I definitely didn’t fit it. It was horrible, something you won’t understand until you’ve lived it.
Anyway, I didn’t have anyone to turn to (no friends, nothing) until I met him in year eight. Oliver. He sort of changed my life, that boy. We had a wood surrounding our school that we weren’t really allowed in during school hours, but the teachers didn’t do anything because it was still on the school grounds. It was there that I saw a blonde-haired boy with sitting on a fallen log, bent over something. I stopped walking so as not to disturb him, but my heel came into contact with a twig that snapped when I put it down. He immediately turned around.
We didn’t say anything to each other for a while, just stared. I didn’t know what to say and he was probably thinking the same.
He stood, picked a book up, and started to walk swiftly in the opposite direction.
“Hey, wait, what are you reading?” I don’t know why I called out to him: I didn’t know who he was and I didn’t really want company, either.
He stopped. “Romeo and Juliet,” he replied, confused. Maybe he didn’t know why he was talking to me, either. “What do you want?”
I didn’t know. I should have just let him walk on, maybe that would have changed everything. “Are you always hanging out here on your own?”
Now he looked suspicious. “...Are you?”
“Sometimes.”
We both just stared at each other again.
“I’m Emily.”
“I’m Oliver.”
Oliver didn’t have many friends either, so we got close. Soon enough, he became my best friend (even though I had no others to compare him to). People would make fun of him for hanging out with me because I was ‘the weird kid’ but he just took my arm and walked to our favourite lunch spot. I felt free when I was with him, like I could do anything ‘weird’ and he’d always have my back.
A few months later, he told me that he was gay. All I did was smile and hug him, seeing that it was obviously hard to say out loud.
“You don’t hate me?”
“Why would I hate you? You’re my best friend.” I loved calling him my best friend out loud, and I loved him just the same.
He exhaled and hugged me tighter. I never wanted to let him go, not ever. I would protect him just as much as he protected me.
His parents were not so sympathetic, being strict Christians who opposed anything that deviated from heterosexuality. There was no way that he could tell them – he’d probably be kicked out or worse. Things don’t always go the way we plan them though – after looking through his room one day, his dad found his diary and all hell broke loose.
He was no longer safe in his own home, so I offered him my place to stay but his parents wouldn’t allow it. They didn’t want him around but at the same time, they didn’t want him to leave. Then, they announced that they were moving to Cornwall, a whole county away.
I kept in touch with him though, we emailed or texted every day for a couple of years and he was still my best friend. We met in person several times too, which was always something to look forward to.
After a while, he started to become sarcastic towards me, and he’d say nasty things but follow them with a tongue smiley so it’d come across as a joke. I waved it off, blaming his family situation or his frustration at having to hide his sexuality...but they got worse.
He would make ‘jokes’ about things I told him years ago, things that I was still trying to get over, things that people would say in the playground, personal shit that I haven’t told anyone else, things that he knew would hurt me more than anything else he could say. I didn’t break until he blamed my personality and my size for my lack of friends, real friends. All I remember after hearing that is smashing my phone and opening my front door. When my mind caught up with me, I was six miles out of town, barefoot, in a horse paddock.
It took a while for me to delete him permanently from my life, because he was the first person who sincerely wanted to be a part of it in the first place, but I had to. He was toxic and I needed to get rid of him before I got rid of myself.
Ever since, I’ve been very careful who I tell things to, and I won’t let people get close until I’ve known them for years. I wish it didn’t have to be that way, but it is.
You all...you have so much power, more than you know...so please be careful with how you use it, because I would never wish the pain I felt on anyone, not even him.
Word count: 980
Completion time: 43 minutes
Summary: We’re free to let anyone in, but it always come with a risk
--
Based on a true story...
I don’t think that people realise the power they have over other people. In this big ol’ world with infinite planets, stars, and galaxies, how can one insignificant person cause another to change their entire outlook, see things through a brand new pair of eyes? I don’t know; but they can. One person’s words or actions can mean the difference between a trickle of water from a tap and a waterfall plunging into an ocean.
As a kid, my life was far from great. I bet a ton of people say that, right? Same old sob stories: I was never popular, I was bullied, I couldn’t fit in etcetera but just because so many of them exist doesn’t stop them from being less important. Yes, I was at the bottom of the social pile, yes I was bullied, and yes I definitely didn’t fit it. It was horrible, something you won’t understand until you’ve lived it.
Anyway, I didn’t have anyone to turn to (no friends, nothing) until I met him in year eight. Oliver. He sort of changed my life, that boy. We had a wood surrounding our school that we weren’t really allowed in during school hours, but the teachers didn’t do anything because it was still on the school grounds. It was there that I saw a blonde-haired boy with sitting on a fallen log, bent over something. I stopped walking so as not to disturb him, but my heel came into contact with a twig that snapped when I put it down. He immediately turned around.
We didn’t say anything to each other for a while, just stared. I didn’t know what to say and he was probably thinking the same.
He stood, picked a book up, and started to walk swiftly in the opposite direction.
“Hey, wait, what are you reading?” I don’t know why I called out to him: I didn’t know who he was and I didn’t really want company, either.
He stopped. “Romeo and Juliet,” he replied, confused. Maybe he didn’t know why he was talking to me, either. “What do you want?”
I didn’t know. I should have just let him walk on, maybe that would have changed everything. “Are you always hanging out here on your own?”
Now he looked suspicious. “...Are you?”
“Sometimes.”
We both just stared at each other again.
“I’m Emily.”
“I’m Oliver.”
Oliver didn’t have many friends either, so we got close. Soon enough, he became my best friend (even though I had no others to compare him to). People would make fun of him for hanging out with me because I was ‘the weird kid’ but he just took my arm and walked to our favourite lunch spot. I felt free when I was with him, like I could do anything ‘weird’ and he’d always have my back.
A few months later, he told me that he was gay. All I did was smile and hug him, seeing that it was obviously hard to say out loud.
“You don’t hate me?”
“Why would I hate you? You’re my best friend.” I loved calling him my best friend out loud, and I loved him just the same.
He exhaled and hugged me tighter. I never wanted to let him go, not ever. I would protect him just as much as he protected me.
His parents were not so sympathetic, being strict Christians who opposed anything that deviated from heterosexuality. There was no way that he could tell them – he’d probably be kicked out or worse. Things don’t always go the way we plan them though – after looking through his room one day, his dad found his diary and all hell broke loose.
He was no longer safe in his own home, so I offered him my place to stay but his parents wouldn’t allow it. They didn’t want him around but at the same time, they didn’t want him to leave. Then, they announced that they were moving to Cornwall, a whole county away.
I kept in touch with him though, we emailed or texted every day for a couple of years and he was still my best friend. We met in person several times too, which was always something to look forward to.
After a while, he started to become sarcastic towards me, and he’d say nasty things but follow them with a tongue smiley so it’d come across as a joke. I waved it off, blaming his family situation or his frustration at having to hide his sexuality...but they got worse.
He would make ‘jokes’ about things I told him years ago, things that I was still trying to get over, things that people would say in the playground, personal shit that I haven’t told anyone else, things that he knew would hurt me more than anything else he could say. I didn’t break until he blamed my personality and my size for my lack of friends, real friends. All I remember after hearing that is smashing my phone and opening my front door. When my mind caught up with me, I was six miles out of town, barefoot, in a horse paddock.
It took a while for me to delete him permanently from my life, because he was the first person who sincerely wanted to be a part of it in the first place, but I had to. He was toxic and I needed to get rid of him before I got rid of myself.
Ever since, I’ve been very careful who I tell things to, and I won’t let people get close until I’ve known them for years. I wish it didn’t have to be that way, but it is.
You all...you have so much power, more than you know...so please be careful with how you use it, because I would never wish the pain I felt on anyone, not even him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)