#19 - Come Back

(Sorry it's later than planned - took me a long time to work these words into a story)

Today's words: Distinguish, Methodise, Astrofel, Plan

Word count: 495

Summary: Sometimes it's hard to tell whether you miss the memories or the person.

Why had I dumped her?

It felt like I had thrown away a gem on a whim, only realising how much it was worth once it had already slipped from my hands.

I opened my Facebook tab:

Hey, do you want to hang out? It’s been a while, right? Friends should see each other now and again.

I felt dizzy and my vision became blurred. We were still friends, weren’t we? I remember saying that I sincerely wanted to be, but did saying it make it so? She didn’t quite feel like a friend, but she didn’t feel like an enemy either, so what was she to me?

[Typing]

Pause.

[Typing]

I made a fist and closed my eyes. Once they were closed, it felt like they were fixed shut with super glue. If she refused, I’d definitely cry; the tears were already lined up in preparation, determined looks on their watery faces.

I opened my left eye.

Sure, when were you thinking?

My right eye followed suit.

When are you free? I can do this weekend.

The tears hastily retreated.

~

As I waited in the pub that was...well, used to be our regular lunch spot, I began to methodise my thoughts. It was a very loose plan, but it would decide everything: if all went well, I would consider reviving our relationship, if not, I wouldn’t second-guess the break-up again.

My heart was aware of her presence before she entered my field of vision – I felt a little sick, hesitated to look away from the menu on the table, and couldn’t stop tapping my right heel against the floor.

She greeted me and sat down. Same wave, same smile, same voice.

After fifteen minutes of talking, however, something was not the same; the spark had been doused in cold water on the day we broke up. The memories had become hard to distinguish from the person, often morphing into the other and confusing the shit out of me.

That’s why I had dumped her.

I caught myself staring at nothing in particular, wishing that our relationship had a reset button, something I could rely on to take us back.

I kept making faces as if I were chewing on astrofel – twisting my mouth, wrinkling my nose, you know.

“So,” she said, finally, “why did you want to see me all of a sudden?”

“Go...” I started prematurely. Fuck. The words ‘go out with me’ had been rehearsed in my head as if I were possessed for six days. “Going to any festivals this year?” I struggled. “...I didn’t manage to get tickets for Reading for the first time in ages...and it’s been playing on my mind.” The poorly-constructed words were finished off with a self-conscious giggle.

I didn’t hear anything she said when she opened her mouth.

I divorced myself from the present in order to spend time with the girl that I knew, not the one who was in front of me.